All the Single Ladies - Put Your Hands up!

Firstly, I hate that song and the accompanying video – it looks like a glorified homage to Tourettes.

Secondly, I am far too tired to make this post in any way humorous.

Thirdly, today I wish to talk to you about the Single Ladies Diet.

Thousands of single women around the world are all on the SLD without even realising, and I find myself constantly having to explain this diet to both males and Non-Single Ladies. The premise is quite simple. It is a balanced diet featuring healthy amounts of protein and vitamin rich foods and is perfectly designed for the Single Lady working in a corporate environment.

Prior to my 3 years relationship I was on this diet for about 7 years and I was always able to maintain a healthy trim figure, and I am once again on this diet and my figure is shrinking to its former Single Lady physique.

Breakfast

 

Breakfast is the first and most important meal of the day. That’s why on the SLD we consume the most calories in that first meal. It consists of a Venti, Non-Fat, Lactose Free, Soy Free, Gluten Free, Foam Free, 6 Pump, Extra Hot, Chai Tea Latte ordered from the hot Barista in that quaint coffee shop around the corner from the office.

  

Lunch

 

Lunch is quite simple on the SLD – you are free to consume whatever you want on the proviso there are no carbs. At all. Unless its sushi on a Friday because hey, you have to splash out sometimes. Otherwise, no carbs. See? Simple. This, of course means that lunch consists mainly of salad or soup.

  

Dinner

 

After a long day in the office it’s understandable that a Single Lady wouldn’t want to take even the smallest step into the kitchen. Unfortunately, she has to if only to pour herself a glass of wine. You see, on the SLD dinner is wine, and wine is dinner. No more than two glasses though, (we’re Single Ladies, not Alcoholics) as adults need at least two servings of fruit per day and wine is simply fermented grape juice. Wine is fruit, and fruit is wine.

  

Once per Week

Once a week you are allowed the Naughty Day and are allowed to indulge (not binge) in carbohydrates – this means you are allowed to eat a bowl of pasta, or a pizza, guilt free. This Naughty Day is the bump day needed to rejig your metabolism so it remembers how to function properly. Also, it gives the Single Lady a “free pass” on those nights she has a Date or is visiting other Single Ladies.

There you have it Non-Single Ladies, Single Ladies, and Gentlemen – The Single Ladies Diet finally explained.