Hunchy Hideaway: A Review

Over the weekend Boyfriend and I celebrated two wonderful years together.

My hyperactivity and irrationality perfectly complement Boyfriend’s calm and rational demeanor, which then coalesces into a relationship probably not envied by most people as they simply don’t understand why we’re even together.

It’s pretty simple to be honest: I’m bloody stubborn and he likes my cooking.

Anyway, to celebrate two years together we decided to run away to the mountains and stay in a small luxury cabin surrounded by lush rainforest, drink French Champagne and relax in a spa bath whilst listening to the birds sing as the sun set behind the mountains; A picturesque, relaxing and romantic escape.

We left early in the morning and several hours of market browsing, alcohol shopping, wrong turns and incorrect streets later, we finally arrived at our destination.

Walking along the wooden bridges, birds singing in the distance, a small brook weaving its way through rocks beneath the bridges, and the fresh smell of the mountains, within moments of arriving we could feel all the stress of the city seeping away.

However, within minutes of entering our cabin my OCD kicked in and we realised that during our brief moments of sobriety, this weekend wasn’t going to be as relaxing as previously thought and the last two minutes worth of stress release were going to be the only stress release we’d be getting.

Two nights and many many many alcoholic beverages later, we left the following note in the cabin’s Guest Book (apologies for the size...)

Awkward Moments

Having lunch with Boyfriend's Mother (aka MIL) is always a very awkward time. It's not that she's not a nice person, in fact she's very lovely, but I always come away with this feeling of disapproval from her. This may be due, however, to the fact I never shut up and after several hours of me talking even the deaf would be rolling their eyes in disdain.

MIL and I actually have a lot in common. We both belong to Team Taurus (that special team which only Taureans belong to which binds us all together in stubborn friendship and camaraderie), and we both like to cook and garden. This means that when it comes to buying presents for Mil I think I am hot shit at knowing what she'd like.

Mind you, I think I am hot shit at buying people presents in general.

I'm just that thoughtful and awesome.

Anyway, MIL's birthday is only a few days after my own and given Mother's Day fell neatly between the two, Boyfriend and I thought that taking MIL out for lunch for Mother's Day and giving her birthday present to her at the same time would be a marvelous and thoughtful and altogether spectacular idea.

So the weekend before our birthdays and Mother's Day we bought MIL a wonderful, thoughtful, perfect present that we thought would look absolutely amazing on her: A pair of gold and emerald earrings.

The week passed quickly, and Mother's Day was soon upon us and I waited by myself in joyous spirits, with the aid of some wine, at the restaurant where we had decided to meet for lunch.

Boyfriend and MIL had spent the morning at the Museum, which given is the only Museum in Brisbane really only takes about 5 minutes to peruse. Everything in Brisbane is on a miniature scale compared to other cities in Australia. Well, everything except for the prices of just about everything which they seem to supersize as a form of compensation for being such a small shitty city.

Anyway, after a few moments I watched as Boyfriend and MIL crossed the restaurant and came to where I was seated.

"Happy Birthday!" MIL and I exclaimed in chorus. We hugged each other awkwardly and suddenly her glasses got caught in my perfectly coiffed hair. A moment passed the hug longer than appropriate as we bother carefully maneuvered hair and glasses until they were disentangled.

An awkward look, and then we each take our seats, Awkward Moment Number 1 complete.

MIL and Boyfriend ordered themselves a drink (I still had my rather full, rather large [and as we found out later, bloody expensive] glass of wine) and We quickly gave MIL her gift, and quite unexpectedly she presented me with a gift too!

However, another awkward moment was about to present itself, Awkward Moment Number 2.

As MIL opened her gift I saw that she was wearing the Pearl Necklace we bought her for Christmas that was part of a 3 piece set, and that the matching earrings were nowhere to be seen, and that's when I noticed it…

I decided to test whether or not I had miraculously developed psychic powers as I turned 28 the day before and was staring at Boyfriend intently, willing him to catch my eye so I could scream to him:

SHE DOESN"T HAVE HER EARS PIERCED!!!

Boyfriend though didn't tune into my frantic yet silent cries of panic.

"Oh how lovely," grimaced MIL. "I guess I'll have to get my ears pierced."

Boyfriend face fell flat and I performed an imaginary facepalm.

"Well," he started, shuffling awkwardly in his seat, "We thought emeralds would suit you best."

"Oh yes, they're lovely." MIL smiled in obvious discomfort as images of torture and fear trespassed through her mind as she contemplated the ideas of piercing her ears, a fate she'd been avoiding her entire life.

Quickly, Boyfriend turned to me.

"What did Mum buy you?" He asked in hurried tones, obviously trying to distract from the awkwardness of the moment.

"I don't know!" I said excitedly. "I'll open them now!"

Very carefully, and so as not to rip the paper (yes, I'm one of those types), I unwrapped the present and forced a toothy grin to my face.

Awkward moment Number Three.

"Butterflies!" I exclaimed with forced cheerfulness, "how lovely!"

MIL brightened up, her attention averted from her own gift: "They're floating candles!"

"Oh, they're lovely! Thank you so much! They will look lovely on our balcony once we move."

I refused to catch Boyfriend's eye as he tested his own psychic abilities. Sitting opposite it was hard not to notice his eyes were practically bulging from his face, his lips forming a thin line, as he attempted his best poker face.

"Oh Bry," he said, "They're very pretty."

"Oh yes, indeed."

About 10 minutes of miscellaneous small talk later, MIL decided to quickly duck out to poison her lungs with various toxins, tar and smoke.

A moment passed and I finally met Boyfriends eyes.

He promptly broke into gales of laughter, drawing the ire and attention of our fellow diners.

"BUTTERFLIES!" He hooted, slapping the table with one hand, his other clutching his belly trying to contain the guffaws wanting to break free. "You HATE butterflies!

"At least it wasn't dolphins." I said softly as I watched MIL return, greeting her with a large, generous smile.

I fucking HATE dolphins.

This is what 28 looks like...

I turned 28 yesterday - Hooray!

This is what 28 looks like if you drink and eat whatever you want, walk everywhere, and moisturise twice a day since the age of 16:

Thursday Randomness

On Monday I had my very first driving lesson, courtesy of Boyfriend. I understand it is unusual for anyone to be 27 years old and never having had a driving lesson before, but given I have Tourette’s I’ve always considered myself a danger to other motorists. However, if Boyfriend and I ever want to live in the area we want to live in NSW when we eventually buy a house, I have to learn to drive.

Anyway, it was only a 15 minute lesson and I got to drive around in circles! I also managed to park between the lines! Sure there was only a 10cm space on Boyfriends side of the car compared to my 50cm gap, but I was between the lines and that’s what’s most important!

It’s my birthday on Saturday. I’ve already had a celebratory lunch with my family that involved TACOS!!!!!! And lots of being paid out due my distaste for all things cake-y, especially Black Forest Cake.

The other day I decided to walk into the city from work – a 40 minute walk. Anyway, about 15 minutes into the walk I noticed the large, dark grey storm clouds slowly rolling across the city. About 25 minutes into the walk it started raining. By the time I was in the city there was thunder and lightning everywhere, my feet and shoes were soaked, and I was holding onto my umbrella for dear life despite its attempts to go fly away and go join in on some stormy fun.

By the time I got home (after a futile shopping attempt because shopping in Brisbane city is equitable to shopping in a… You know, there’s nothing comparable to it because it sucks that much) the storm had only just ended and so I take a step into my tiled home, promptly fall over, and hurt myself.

I haven’t been able to walk properly since as somehow I hurt my foot in the whole slipping and tripping over process.

The moral of the story: Don’t be healthy and walk anywhere or you’ll hurt your foot and not be able to walk anywhere anyway.

Technicalities