One of the Many Reasons for my Insomnia

The one thing about me that nobody other than my Boyfriend knows is that I’m scared.

All the time.

Of everything.

Especially at night.

I have had insomnia for as long as I can recall, and this is partially due to my TS related anxiety, but mostly because I’m scared shitless of closing my eyes in a dark room in case I’m attacked by Peeping-tom Aliens, Evil Rapist Spirits, or Murderers.

Growing up I watched a lot of Star Trek: TNG. In fact I loved this show, and my parents are firm in their stance that we watched so much of this damned show because I loved it so much and begged them to borrow it. However, this lead to many sleepless nights where I’d have to make sure any light source into my room was blocked completely so no Peeping-tom Aliens could peak in on me whilst I slept.

It was one of my greatest fears (and still is, mind you) to wake in the middle of the night, try to look outside my window, but be unable to due to the giant massive alien eye staring in at me.

There was also the toilet goblins.

My family have no idea whatsoever where I got this idea from, and both my older brother and sister vehemently deny making this up, but I was convinced that goblins lived in every toilet of every home all around the world.

And if you weren’t careful when you got up in the middle of the night to wee, and if you couldn’t fall asleep fast enough once you got back to bed, they’d drag you out of bed and down the toilet. They would leave you alone if they thought you were asleep, and the fact I was never dragged down the toilet in the middle of the night screaming my fragile little lungs out, means I must have been pretty convincing whilst being scared out of my overimaginative brain.

As I grew older though, I realised that the toilet goblins weren’t real, so they were soon replaced with another terrifying creature of the night: Murderers.

I read a few too many murder mysteries, and ever since every shadow in my room has some insane man with a penant for not just murder but torture waiting til I fall asleep to attack me. So I try not to fall asleep.

Obviously.

But then there’s the Evil rapist spirits.

The Evil rapist Spirits are likely a creationof my imagination in response to tangled blankets and sleep paralysis.

Or it’s an Incubus who finds me irrisistable and has fallen crazy in lust with me.

The latter, obviously, is the most reasonable and likely explanation.

Evil Rapist Spirits are particular to certain rooms, and don’t go spreading their shadowy badness all around a house like the Murderers and Aliens do. For example, our old bedroom in our current house is full of evil Rapist spirits waiting til I’m lying alone in bed and without a blanket (for what I would assume is easy access), whereas our new bedroom is completely free of them. Our new room was chosen due to the fact I couldn’t sleep in the old room anymore due to the wide glass door leading onto our balcony letting in all the peeping tom aliens, murderers and evil rapist spirits.

I can sleep a tad more comfortably in our new bedroom. I feel safer.

Not safe.

Just safer.

I only feel safe once Boyfriend is snuggled up in bed beside me, and more often than not if I go to bed earlier than him and am not asleep within minutes due to innebriation, then I’ll be back downstairs, stumbling around half asleep, trying to sleep on the tiles or half on the floor half on the sofa, whilst I wait several hours for him to come save me and scare off anything waiting for me to fall asleep to perve on/murder/assault me.

After all, wouldn’t you rather wake up in the morning tired and irratible from very little sleep, as opposed to not at all?

My thoughts exactly.